


can't lose another life

by dottie_wan_kenobi



Series: Batfam Fics [25]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, I Made Myself Cry, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Graphic or Medically Correct Injuries, POV Bruce Wayne, Reverse Ethiopia AU, not exactly positive not exactly negative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23816371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottie_wan_kenobi/pseuds/dottie_wan_kenobi
Summary: He tries to move his arm, and pure blazing pain shoots through his whole body. Biting down on a scream, he tells himself he has to get up. Has to move. Jason is waiting for him at the hotel. If he takes too long, then Jason will come searching, and this mess is the last thing he wants his boy to see. Nevermind the fact that Bruce doesn’t have a good grasp on anything about it, he knows it’s bad.Fire, burning flesh, crying. It’sbad. Not something a child should see.---Reverse Ethiopia AU
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne
Series: Batfam Fics [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1231787
Comments: 11
Kudos: 113
Collections: Gotham Square (Batfam Discord Fics)





	can't lose another life

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I wanted to write a fic where Bruce hates himself and/or wouldn't do well as a civilian. This isn't exactly that but it's still delicious Bruce angst, with an added Jason.
> 
> Many thanks to the Bat Family 18+ Discord for inspiring this idea, especially Gemini Baby and SelkieNight60, and even more thanks to Ilast and Batgirl_k for reading it over!!
> 
> Title from ilomilo by Billie Eilish
> 
> WARNINGS: there is a canonical character death mentioned. You might cry. None of the violence or injuries are very explicit.

Bruce wakes up to the smell of fire, ash, burning flesh. His world is black and dusty and far, far above him, encircled by plumes of flames, there are stars.

Distantly, he can hear crying. He isn’t sure who it’s for. He remembers—he remembers that he wasn’t alone before he passed out. The Joker had been there, and a woman. Sheila, he thinks. Jason’s mother. Jason’s mother, who tried to lure him into a trap, who’d been displeased when Bruce showed up instead while Jason was safely left behind.

He can’t remember if they got out. He thinks maybe the Joker did. He thinks maybe Sheila didn’t.

In any case, neither of them are worth crying over. None of them are.

He tries to move his arm, and pure blazing pain shoots through his whole body. Biting down on a scream, he tells himself he has to get up. Has to move. Jason is waiting for him at the hotel. If he takes too long, then Jason will come searching, and this mess is the last thing he wants his boy to see. Nevermind the fact that Bruce doesn’t have a good grasp on anything about it, he knows it’s bad. 

Fire, burning flesh, crying. It’s  _ bad _ . Not something a child should see.

But when he tries to move again, tries to sit up as slowly as he can stand to, something twinges horribly inside of him, in his  _ back _ , and nope, nope, that’s it—he can’t move. He clenches his eyes shut so no tears can slip out. 

No one cares if it hurts. It doesn’t matter. He has to keep going, he  _ has  _ to. He has to get up right the fuck now and he has to be strong and he especially has to go before the fire reaches him. 

Just as he’s about to force the issue, he hears the cries more clearly: a child. Screaming. “ _ Bruce _ !”

“Robin?” He chokes out, turning his head towards the sound.

Jason can’t be here. He was supposed to stay at the hotel and be safe and  _ not come after him _ . 

“Bruce?” He can’t see, but he hears someone—his  _ child _ —tripping over rubble, breathing harshly through the smoke. “Bruce!”

It doesn’t take long for him to step into Bruce’s view. Soot covers his face, his arms, his legs. Tears have borne tracks over his cheeks, and more spill out as Jason sees him, his eyes widening. He’s wearing his Robin suit, but without the mask, without the cape.

“Oh my god,” Jason cries, stumbling forward, falling to his knees beside Bruce. His hands shake as he reaches for him. “What  _ happened _ ?”

“Explosion,” he says, much more concerned with comforting Jason than explaining. Instead of begging him to leave, to get to safety, what comes out is, “Why are you here? I told you to stay put.”

Jason rears back, a hard, upset look in his eyes. “You’ve been gone for hours! And I heard—I heard the Joker’s men talking about blowing up the warehouse and—did you think I was just gonna leave you here to deal with that by yourself? I’m your partner, I have to—”

“Jason—” He tries to lift his other hand with marginally better results, and lays his palm against Jason’s face. It’s clumsy, and Jason obviously realizes immediately, glancing at his face.

After a second, Jason asks, “How hurt are you?”

_ Not that bad, _ he wants to say.  _ I’m fine. _ But both of his sons have always gotten angry with him when he lied about that, and right now, it’s important that Jason know the truth.

The words taste foul on his tongue anyway. “I—I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I can’t move.”

“Not at all?”

“Not enough,” he bites out.

Jason’s face goes pale. He glances around the small clearing, pushing his cheek into Bruce’s hand. One of his own gloved hands comes up to clutch Bruce’s, the other resting on his chest plate like he’s feeling it rise and fall. “I could drag you out of here,” he says. 

But it’s futile, and they both know it. Jason is too small is carry him, too small to drag him away from this. Even if Bruce weren’t dead weight, it would be too much.

“Jay….”

“I could,” he insists, squeezing Bruce’s palm. “I  _ could _ .”

“I don’t doubt it.”

Jason huffs. His hands are still shaking, his voice cracking. “No, you don’t understand. I…I found my mom first.”

Bruce’s heart practically stops in his chest. 

“She was already dead,” Jason says, eyes squeezed shut. “I couldn’t help her. But you’re my—I won’t lose another—Bruce, you can’t just—”

“Shh, shh.” Bruce wants to gently pull him down, but he doesn’t know how dirty the suit is, and refuses to risk getting his blood on his son’s face. Instead, he wipes away what few tears he can, letting Jason hold on as tightly as he needs. “It’s okay, I’m still,” he voice cracks, “alive. It’s okay, Jay.”

“You can’t see yourself!” He cries, shaking his head. Sucking in a breath, he meets Bruce’s eyes. Strongly, steadily, he says, “Batman, report.”

And Bruce—Bruce does. His limbs are numb in a way that would frighten Bruce if he were the sort of person who was ever frightened by anything. The arm he couldn’t move is broken, and Jason says that his face is covered in bruises. Bruce neglects to tell him about the amount of bruises he must have over his whole body—it’s not like the Joker held back with the crowbar. He doesn’t want further overwhelm Jason.

“Okay,” Jason whispers to himself once Bruce is done. “Okay. I know how to get you out of here.”

Bruce makes an encouraging sound. It should be him making this plan, should be him ready with a way to get them out, should’ve been him making contingency plans to make sure this never happened. But he’d just been so…angry on Jason’s behalf. Angry that Sheila would try to undermine him, was luring Jason into what had been so clearly a trap. 

He hadn’t been thinking, and now—now Jason is suffering for it.

Jason nods resolutely. Then he turns his face up and yells into the night, “ _ Clark _ !”

Alarm shoots through Bruce immediately. He doesn’t want Clark to see him like this—hurt, pathetic, unable to do anything but lay here and poorly attempt to comfort his child, who never should’ve been put in this situation in the first place. 

“Jason,” he tries to admonish, but his words are cut off with a vicious cough. The heat around them has lessened some, but the smoke, the ash, it’s still coming down. It’s difficult not to breathe it in.

“There’s no other way, B” Jason says, watching him carefully. He’s still clutching his hand, and he’s serious, too serious for someone so young. “I’m not going to let you die too.”

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [here](https://dottie-wan-kenobi.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/wan_dottie)!
> 
> if you enjoyed this, please consider leaving a comment and letting me know what you thought. thanks!!
> 
> (also, I am def considering writing a sequel where Dick has to become Batman much sooner than in canon, and dealing with that emotional fall out as well. ;D)


End file.
